Race, Interracial Relationships, and the Dynamics of Power…

01Jun08

I’ve been wanting to post about this topic for ages, but didn’t because I didn’t want to offend anyone. But given that its my 3rd yr anniversary now (for my blog, i mean) i’ve decided to finally write this post. I have gradually loosened up on what I write about anyways and have written more frankly and included more information about myself since when i first started this blog and so feel its time i write completely honestly and frankly about ALL issues from now on. I will speak my mind honestly and won’t censor just because i dun wanna offend readers cos i feel just becos i dun write about it doesn’t mean i dun think that way and my fearing readers will hate me because of my personality and/or opinions on certain issues should no longer be a barrier towards me writing honestly on issues and topics ( i shall however, continue to keep my personal life out of my blog, except for the rare occasional post which i’ve done in the past 3 yrs, merely a handful really..)

Well, the thing is, I’ve a big problem with interracial relations based on a commonly associated ‘dominant’ race such as Caucasians, and a commonly associated ‘weaker’ race such as South East Asians or South Asians…And I mean I ONLY have a problem when its a WHITE MAN, no problems if it were a white female with an Asian, Indian, etc male…to be honestly truthful, I find it disgusting and feel like vomiting whenever i see white men with younger asian women (or younger asian gay men/boys)…i mean how disgusting is that??!

I know, I seem like such a prejudiced horrible biased person and i do feel bad feeling this way but i can’t help it!! I am always embarassed when i tell friends this and am so afraid they’ll dislike me after, but hey, at least i’m being honest heh? My biggest problem is with the age gap and the income/power disparity between the white man and the other Asian half…i mean u see so many old white men (not to mention unattractive) with younger (like 10,20-30 years younger!!) beautiful asian women and even more common asian gay men everywhere, its like the older powerful deep-shit ugly white male getting the oh-so-submissive oriental china doll, wtf??!! I mean why in the world would the asian like the white guy? I can understand the white guy going for the asian, given the youth of the asian but why vice-versa??

I pin it down to what i call ‘the white disease syndome’ . Basically, it works like this, with all the positive images of white people in the media and the world’s richest countries still being predominantly white, it influences the way non-whites perceive whites as more desirable, more good-looking, more attractive and so non-white, short of being able to ‘become’ white themselves, seek to marry or be in a relationship with white ppl to elevate their status…of course, all this is subconscious and I am in no way suggesting those with white men are actively scheming to get into a relationship with them, just that the fact that they can find old, not particularly rich white men attractive is a result of their subconscious having been influenced by the media and their environment. It also shows the power dynamics at play whereby its almost always a white MALE (men being associated with power and domination) with an Asian female or younger gay male playing the bottom role (being associated with submissiveness and docility).

I used to dislike these white men immensely, i mean how dare they take advantage of asian younglings? But then its become more complicated as i’ve matured and i now no longer blame them that much…i mean who wouldn’t want a younger looking attractive mate when given one?? All men do, not just white ones…..and further, i also feel the same way about richer asian men (japanese, taiwanese, korean) practically buying (oops, i meant ‘marrying’) poorer asian women (vietnamese, filipinos, etc) and know they’re just the same as white men with asians younger than them…but in the former case, its one where the poorer asian women are clearly in it for the money, to give themselves a better life as well as provide a better living condition for their families by sending money home whereas in the latter case, its the asians willingly submitting themselves and falling for these ugly white men…i just find the latter case more disturbing…and i should blame the younger asians for this since there is no reason for them liking ppl like that but yet i’ve met many whom are nice people and profess they’ve never wanted or actively limited themselves to white men…its just so confusing….i used to know this gay guy, he’s from china and poor but very nice, hardworking, works to support himself, studies hard, and he had a white bf in his 40s and then later broke up and found another one in his 50s (even worse!!) but he told me he wasn’t submissive in bed all the time and never restricted himself to white men, or older ones for that matter…and i’ve found many tell me they’ve never found white men particularly attractive or found asian men unattractive and its just so confusing!! It simply didn’t fit my theory of the ‘white disease syndrome’ at all!! And so now i’m thoroughly confused and still dislike these relationships but having conflicted feelings cos i actually like the people in them ( well, i’ve only known the asian partners so i like them more)…

I actually don’t have a problem if its an average looking white male with another asian female/male IF there’s not such a huge gap in terms of their looks, age, or other terms such as income levels…so I think i’ve to make that clear…so a 27 yr old average/good looking white bloke with another 24 yr old asian female (or gay asian man) isn’t a real problem for me…although it’d be nice if it wasn’t ALWAYS the white male with the asian girl…u see it everywhere, be it in China, Japan, or South Korea…the white man with an asian girl in tow..but its improving though, cos it used to be that an unsuccessful pretty poor average to poor looking Caucasian male English teacher in Japan or South Korea could get a nice looking asian female, but thats changing now…
asian women tend to be more selective now and expect more…

However, with the gay front, its still the case of the older richer white man with the younger comparatively poorer asian boy/man…which is pretty sick in my opinion…i read that in Japan, those white guys whom couldn’t get the sexy studs back home can easily bed (or at least have a chance to chat) with a sexy japanese gay guy in the bars…and nothing is more obvious on the power dynamics and racism in these relationships than this article i read about how ugly old white men in gay clubs in Canada now usually have more success getting darker skinned asians, those from thailand, vietnam, indonesia,etc than fairer skinned richer asians, such as chinese, japanese, and s.koreans…i mean how obvious is that on the racial point i’m making??

And furthermore, i heard that older white men whom wouldn’t even dare to chat up some young uber cute-looking guy bck home in the States, or wherever, have the courage to approach young good-looking asian men in the clubs, i mean if not race, then what???

Of cos, these asians are to blame too, its like prostitution, when the lowest denominator is set low, the entire group of people (even those whom dun have the white worship thingy) suffer…i mean it makes some white men think that ALL asians find them attractive despite the age, appearance gap…

Please note that I’m fine with white-asian relationships where there’s no huge disparity in age, appearances,etc and similarly, condemn richer asian men (chinese,japanese,etc) with poorer asian women (vietnamese, filipinos,etc) and so its an exploitation issue i’m pointing to, not a white men issue cos if it were a chinese or japanese man, i’d still be unaccepting of it.

I once again apologise in advance if i’ve offended anyone and simply wished to state my opinion and maybe have a discussion with readers on this admittedly controversial but yet much-needed issue..and given the gradual progression towards a more open attitude on writing on my blog and on this 3rd year blog anniversary, I thought the time was now right…

I know some people will nevertheless still call me racist, but let me ask a simple question:
Which is more racist, relationships based very much on the preference of race despite huge gaps be it age, appearance or financial power, or the frank perception of whats really at play in these kind of relationships and finding the pattern working here?

Feel free to leave comments, I’d love to hear what others think and particularly from white men (or richer asian men) in relationships like this.:)

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9 Responses to “Race, Interracial Relationships, and the Dynamics of Power…”

  1. 1 Maddy

    nice article, i concur with most of your thoughts, I do not know about interracial gay relationships, but i have heard many cases where young innocent asian women marry some elder white man to gain greater social repute or economical position and end up being betrayed or divorced in a country which is not your own, and a culture which is not their own.

    But fault also lies in the way asians or south asians tend to always associate whiteness with economic prosperity and greater social repute and secutity for them and their progeny,just as you mentioned.

  2. 2 hcpen 彭皓全

    maddy: thanks for the comment.

  3. 3 marcellous

    This is an old chestnut. I’ve expressed some of my opinions in my post Rice Queen, Potato Queen and also Marginalia

    Since where one is coming from is crucial in discussing this, I will disclose that I am “white” and I live with a Chinese man who is in fact 3 years older than I but, who is, as he never fails to remind me, “looking younger.” He gets furious about those age-and-beauty-disparate pairs pretty much just as you do.

  4. 4 hcpen 彭皓全

    marcellous: what does ‘this is an old chestnut’ mean?? also, thanks for ur insight..would u mind explaining how u met ur chinese partner and why u (and him) are attracted to each other? does race play a factor? are there any significant gaps b/w the two of u (since age isn’t an issue here being the other way around and only 3 yrs)??

  5. 5 marcellous

    Well I think I mean it is something which crops up again and again, and that also it is a bit of a perpetual conundrum.

    I’ve already overstepped my own bounds for saying as much as I have about D so I can’t really answer your other questions here.

  6. 6 hcpen 彭皓全

    marcellous: ok, alright. I understand…

  7. 7 Handsome Jerry

    Dear Chinese chic,
    I’m glad that you hold strong views on life and relationships. About these white/Asian relationships you are concerned about… Have you had to opportunity to poll Asians and whites who are in these partnerships. Are they happy with their choices and would they do it all over again? About class distinction, I observed plenty of this among the
    chinese even though communism was introduced almost 60 years ago. Upper class Asians have been using this system for thousands of years to keep the common people in there place… I have relative who have married Asian ladies and have been together for many many years and their wives do not kiss their husband’s bachsides… These ladies were taught from childhood to put the family first and when possible do help their parents and relatives. Asian culture seems very hard on women who are divorced or single mothers. Many Asian men do not want to rise a stepchild as his own… in Western cultures it is not unusual to find a man who will rise and educate a child of his Asian wife as his own. What are these divorce or unwed mothers to do? Of course, there are preditors who seek to exploit the weaker partners, they come in a rainbow of colors and races. If the people involved in these interracial relationships are living good and happy lives maybe you and I should mind our own business. Any relationship between White/White, Asian/Asian or whatever can be a sick exploitation of the weaker partner but like I said, my cousin’s wives can hold their own with their partners and they are good women.
    Try to tell them they are being exploited or miss treated….
    :old white guy

  8. 8 Handsome Jerry

    Oh yes, thanks for the opportunity to discuss this important subject. I appreciate your views and realize that you do struggle with this difficult issue… talk later
    :old white guy again….
    ps also call myself handsome Jerry at times….

  9. 9 hcpen 彭皓全

    handsome jerry: ok, thnks for ur thoughts on this issue. I am conflicted as well…yea i know it shouldn’t be any of my business but it just pisses me off and annoys me..i know its kinda mean but thats how i feel..sigh…


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